Why I don’t want to fall in love..

You ask, “why are you so opposed to love?”, well if you really want to know I’ll tell you. Love kills, not physically but mentally. The act of love is draining, to give your all, your mind, soul and body to another human just like yourself. Quite bizarre don’t you think? The audacity to open your mouth and say ‘I love you’ loool. Do you know what love is? No ? Neither do I. That’s why I can’t love, I can’t give love and I can’t have love for anyone .. I don’t even know if I love myself. It’s all an act, this fake happiness, this fake I love myself care free shit. I give up, I give up on trying to maintain this happiness I’m only breaking myself. But no one sees it, no one except myself and God. He sees it, but he does nothing.. woah I thought this was about love. Look where I’ve wondered too. Pause, stop & rewind let’s go back to where it all started. “WHY ARE YOU SO OPPOSED TO LOVE?”. I hate love, because love hates me.. strange right ? What I mean is, I find love and put love in the wrong places, so to save myself from sorrow I degrade the feelings of love or what I’ve subjectively defined as love. Well I can say that I love God, I love the fact that despite all my wrong doings, my sins and backsliding he still protects me and guides me. But I will never brag about my love for God because I’m far from the perfect Christian. But I will brag about the love that God has for me. This is because Gods love is just and he is a just God. How did we end up here? From hating love to the greatness of God. I came off track so many times. Oh well, you’re not perfect either.

A